remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
