I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my sisters under your porch take her home
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
