don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
