wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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