so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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