Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
