I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
