Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
