god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
