So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
