ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
