Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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