its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
