you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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