I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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