if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
