It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
