This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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