Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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