coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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