So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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