ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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