At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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