Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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