Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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