i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
