I forgot how hot balto sounded
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
