We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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