When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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