i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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