We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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