apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
