I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
