people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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