totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
