my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
