Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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