That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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