matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
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I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
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I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?