I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break