Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.