Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?