I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
