Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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