just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
