Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
