sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
