you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
