Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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