Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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