honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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