Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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