this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Ladies don't puke and tell
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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