I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I will be naked everywhere
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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