Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
