Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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