I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
