Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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