you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
