All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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