Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
