I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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