Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
