I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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