Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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