The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
