Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
