Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
