I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
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He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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