1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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