I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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