so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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