brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
They have beer where we have blood.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
