AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
