someone get that fucking seahorse.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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