My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
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So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
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I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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