I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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